You fear you'd lose everything if anyone really knew you and your sexual thoughts. You are willing to sacrifice the things that matter most to you in order to continue pursuing sex, fantasies, and obsessions. You can't understand why willpower isn't enough to make it stop, but it is never so simple. These issues are complex and require reflective thinking and esteem enhancing actions in order to create change. Change can happen. Collaborating with a psychotherapist who understands out-of-control sexual behavior and romantic obsession can make the difference.
All human beings have feelings that help to direct our behaviors. Without knowing what you feel, you do not know what you need. Men with out-of-control sexual behavior and/or romantic obsession often don't know what they are feeling and instead experience feeling states in their bodies. They then turn to actions to address these feelings. When you use a sexual strategy to solve anger, sadness, fear, shame, and/or a mix of other emotions, the true issues are not being addressed. This sexual solution becomes another problem without the original problem ever getting resolved. At The SAT Project, we help men to develop their emotional vocabulary and to build their emotional intelligence. This, combined with evidence-based treatment techniques, can help men with sexual and relationship issues.
No man or woman fits into just one mold. But here are a few characteristics that men who experience compulsive sexual behavior often struggle with:
You obsessively think about plans to get sex at the expense of family, friends, and work
You feel ashamed or guilty about your sexual activity or fantasies
In order to feel excited you seek more and more extreme sexual situations that put you in danger or at risk of catching STIs
You avoid romantic and sexual situations preferring fantasy, masturbation, or the complete avoidance of any sexual activity
You love your partner but you are always cheating
You find it difficult to stay in a relationship
Sex dominates your life and you feel you have no choice about it
There are a wide variety of treatment options and approaches for people struggling with addictions and/or out-of-control behavior. Many people try and fail to solve these sorts of problems on their own. Our experience is that the single most effective thing a person seeking relief from addiction or out-of-control behavior can do is to stop trying to do it alone, and seek help.